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Filed under: Pet Friends | Tags: books, cats, funny, furry, pets, romance, weird, wtf
The collection of stories “The Magical Christmas Cat,” turned out to be a romance novel of sorts after all. Written by Lora Leigh, Erin McCarthy, Nalini Singh and the incomparable Linda Winstead Jones, this collection contains stories that all focus on the universal topic of women’s cats turning into hot men during Christmastime and whisking them off their feet.
The promotional materials allude to the stories being about “a distinctly alluring feline touch.” I don’t know, all of this seems a little close to the Furry family for me. I don’t know if the lonely women reading these stories do any yiffing but I hope that their sheer desperation wouldn’t lead them to do more lewd things to their “distinct felines.”
Can you imagine the readership for this? Are we talking mid-40s, tweed-wearing, just plain sad or bizarrely sexually aroused or what? Interesting subject matter. Apparently it is pervasive enough of a topic to be carried in a mainstream bookstore like Borders or Barnes and Noble. I’m wondering if any of the women who read this are featured in this doc:
Filed under: Famous People We Wish We Were | Tags: crap, dumb, film industry, marketing, movies, silly, trailers, wtf
Depending on one’s preference, the twenty minutes preceding the feature presentation are either the best or worst part of the cinema experience. Much like proto-butter topping on popcorn, movie trailers could be the most entertaining, tantalizing part of one’s day or the worst. They tease and beckon with a curling finger and a wink; they showcase the best 3-5 minutes of a plot, brand the film with music blasted by Dolby digital and they connect to a target audience.
The narrow branding of trailers seems to be yet another indication of film eroding from its traditional role as a collective medium of entertainment to a personal, individualized experience. In the ‘60s, everyone loved the Beatles, wore paisley and saw “The Graduate.” In 2009, everyone has his niche band, niche clothing store and a movie can be marketed to any of these vastly divergent tastes.
The trailer for the 2007 movie “Lucky You”, starring Drew Barrymore and Eric Bana, is a prime example for the warping that niche marketing often creates. Depending on which one an audience was given, the movie either was a Las Vegas riot, a contemplative jaunt, suspenseful gambling epic or a romantic comedy depending on choices of editing, lead in music, lighting, dialogue, and introduction of characters. One line of dialogue was even comically used in two completely different contexts. At one point Drew Barrymore’s character says, “when you mentioned your father, your eyes got all quiet.” Yet, in one trailer the line seems romantic, cuddly and something that unites her romantically with the male lead. In the other, it is a foreboding, melancholic line that leads one to believe that the male protagonist is ruminating about a strained relationship with his father.
Meaning is muddled by the ever-increasing scope of film advertising. Viral videos, web campaigns, Twitter accounts and niche marketing can make a movie into anything its audience needs. These newfangled, easily modified trailers make movies as artificial as their concession stand counterparts. Now, not only is the melted butter on the popcorn fake, so are the coming attractions.
Filed under: Dumb Criminals | Tags: criminal, funny, idiot, silly, why?, wtf
We’re all guilty of breaking the law. Zoning ordinances, imbibing of questionable substances, traffic violations. It’s pretty commonplace. But there are those that take crime to a whole new level. The most moronic of less-than law abiding citizens. The stupid criminal. Obviously, they can fall into a few different classes:
Conspicuous Much?: Hey, guy. You’re breaking the law. In broad daylight. On a well-traveled street. In plain sight of a cop car. While wearing a rainbow unitard. And you’re shouting obscenities.
Ruuuuude: Yup, it looks like that cop is writing you a parking ticket/pulling you over/handcuffing you and throwing you forcefully into the cruiser. I don’t think you’re going to do much for your case by ripping off your wife-beater in drunken anger while shouting, “I’m innocent!”
Just…What?: Maybe you could’ve gotten away with what you were doing. Completely fine. But guess what. For example, you were drunk then called the cops on yourself like this Rhode’s scholar:
But that lovely gem has nothing on the alpha and omega of silly criminals who embodies all the best markers of idiocy. You have to give it to him for his tenacity though:
Filed under: Religious Man Candy | Tags: calendar, cute guys, judaica, nice jewish guys, wtf
Sooooo, I was at a friend’s dinner party yesterday and she had the 2009 “Nice Jewish Guys” calendar hanging on her wall. Well, firstly, I noticed a somewhat nerdy fellow decorating her bathroom door. “What is that?” I asked. Turns out that Nice Jewish Guys is a legit calendar manufacturer. Interesting.
At first I suspected JDate to somehow be involved. But this was not the case. I suppose it’s some sort of independent enterprise catering to women seeking a hunky Jewish heartthrob. Sort of like TeenBop or something, but absent of the centerfolds and splashy, crowded page layouts.
Like I said, Mr. October, not so great. But as we paged through, studs like old Mr. July and Mr. November proved the calendar’s mettle. Interesting concept, not really sure how it pans out but unique, nonetheless.
Filed under: Technology and Neuroses | Tags: babies, birth, celebrities, children, crazy, obsession, parenting, wtf
Makemebabies.com, originally uploaded by spraynardkreuger.
The Internet has spawned some of the most socially repugnant forces known to nature. The snaggle toothed beast known only as Facebook, for example, has forever sullied the way individuals interact. Online chat has eroded human connection to the point that some people can barely convey information face to face. Basically, the point is, the Internet enables our most baser tendencies. Fringe fetish pornography, online gambling, inescapable social sloth and, now, thanks to Makemebabies.com, the obsessive hope of procreation.
Makemebabies.com does exactly what its moniker suggests, it makes you some bouncin’ babes. First, load your photo file onto the site’s server, make some quick cropping adjustments, and you’re ready to pick your new baby daddy (or mommy). Either choose from the site’s extensive stockpile of celebrity photos, or upload your own “real” person picture. Next, select a gender, race and name, and presto! You’ve just actualized a baby.
Aside from the obvious uses for hopeful moms-to-be and celebrity-enamored tweens, Makemebabies.com could be one of the most ridiculous applications of technology I’ve ever seen. This is the kind of thing that’s fodder for middle school slumber parties, games of M.A.S.H, not the sort of thing one parlays into a viable website.
The site does deliver for its users and their insatiable thirst for glimpses of potential offspring. What ten-year-old hasn’t wondered what her and David Cassidy/Taylor Hanson/Zac Effron’s baby would look like the day he finally pulls her into the tour bus to take her away? Although, the server is often too busy to accommodate your “baby request” in a timely fashion.
In spite of the bolded warning that “the site is for entertainment only, real genetics is a bit more complicated than that,” it seems to have an inscrutable pull. Even I found myself loading up a photo, creating mutant strains of Nicki-meets-Jake Gyllenhaal, (and I must say, our child would not be very attractive). So, what is this all about? I’m certainly not on the mommy plan, and I don’t really care to even “conceive” of having a child for another decade. Yet, somehow, Makemebabies.com, with all its salacious, saccharine pull, beckons to even the most hardened of hearts, the most cynical of liberated women (and potentially men, although I can’t imagine many making use of the site.)
